It's
hardly the holiday we've been waiting for all year long - Happy 4th of July, lovely readers!
4th
of July, in my opinion, is one of the most heavily underrated holidays.
I don't understand why that is, though, because thinking about it,
isn't 4th of July the
most distinctly American holiday of the year?
For those of you unfamiliar with the holiday, let me explain how we
really go about celebrating this gloriously patriotic day.
Disclaimer: mild sarcasm will be sprinkled generously throughout.
It's the 4th of July! The date has been circled on your calendar for the past few months and you just
know today's going to live up to every single one of your expectations...
So you sit there thinking to yourself,
"Omg. Like, what am I even going to do today?" 
But wait - first let me explain the basics of 4th of July to our international readers. Bear with me, guys.
The
4th of July commemorates the day our founding fathers signed the
Declaration of Independence back in 1776, declaring independence from
Great Britain...
...it's basically America's birthday. Happy birthday, 'murrica!
Let's look at this under the context of the transitive property: 4th of July = America's birthday; Birthday =
party heightened celebration. So according to the principles of the transitive property, 4th of July = CELEBRATION!
People celebrate the holiday in every which way. Some people go to the beach...
...some people take advantage of the 4th of July sales online and in-stores...
...and
most people usually end their day by watching the fireworks. If you
think you're too old for fireworks, I'm sorry but you're wrong. One does
not simply
outgrow fireworks.
But
perhaps the most well known activity associated with the holiday is
none other than having a BBQ with the entire family. Because nothing
says
"Happy birthday, 'Merica!" nearly as forcefully as tearing apart marinated ribs and grilled burgers.
Speaking of food, you can eat all you want without feeling
shameless! You really don't have to worry about people judging you
because they'll be basking in the strong patriotic sentiment that we
unerringly associate with the 4th of July...
I promise you can eat whatever you want...
...as much as you want.
Don't forget the alcohol!
We must
never forget the alcohol...
Speaking of alcohol, make sure to keep an eye out for your friends. You're bound to have the happy drunks...
...the I-love-food-more-than-I-love-people drunks...
...the touchy touchy drunks...
...and the
pmsing hypersensitive drunks...
But at the end of the day, embarrassing as they may be, they
are still your friends, and you'll find it in you to take care of them.
So go out and celebrate! Cheers to making this the
best 4th of July you've ever had in your life...
And remember, 'Merica,
